Complete text The Scholar from the Other World plus 2 folk-based ballads- The King Who Believed Everything and The Name of the Cat

THE SCHOLAR FROM THE OTHER WORLD

a folk comedy

SCENE ONE

BEFORE BRIDGET'S HOUSE

A COUPLE OF STOOLS FOR BRIDGET AND TOM TO SIT

ON LATER IF WISHED

ENTER BRIDGET

BRIDGET (SINGING AS SHE SWEEPS)

Peasant girl, o love is bright,

He may come to you tonight!

Peasant girl, o love is sweet;

He may kneel before your feet.

Peasant wife, put love away,

He cares not for you today!

(WITH A DEEP SIGH)

How many sighs I sigh when I

Remember fond times now gone by;

How many sorry tears I cried

When he, my first dear husband died.

How good life was while he was here;

But now he's gone, the poor, old dear.

Oh, that I had not used another,

The first one loved me like a lover-

The second is a different matter!

Bad-tempered, stingy, hates all chatter,

And kills all humour in the house,

Quiet as a cat awaiting a mouse.

God bless my old love; I wish that I

Still had his cheer to help me by;

His warmth to hold to in the night;

He was a loving man, all right.

Still, things are as they are, I guess.

I can't forget him, nonetheless.

I hope he's happy up on high;

Oh well, I guess it's best that I

Pursue my work to pass the day.

(NOTICING SOMETHING OFFSTAGE LEFT)

Who's this who's coming up my way?

A stranger to these parts, I'd say.

How curious his clothes: I'd swear

He must be someone from a fair.

OFFSTAGE SINGING, ON THE LAST LINES, CURIO, DRESSED

RATHER EXTRAVAGANTLY IN THE STYLE OF A WANDERING

SCHOLAR, ENTERS

BRIDGET

Good day, good sir. May all be well.

Where do you hail from, sir? Pray tell.

CURIO

Good morning, fair mistress. Good day to you.

I'll make reply; I'll tell you true.

Well may my answer give you pause-

Far from this little world of yours,

Far from your earth-bound realm come I,

As if descended from the sky.

BRIDGET (WONDERINGLY)

What of your clothes ? I've never seen

The like in all the years I've been !

CURIO (GRANDLY)

You wonder at my odd attire ?

Well, I've arrived here from a higher,

Finer plane of living, so to speak.

Is that the answer that you seek ?

The other world of splendid towns,

Of golden rings and velvet gowns :

The other world of cities grand-

Another place, another land.

BRIDGET (EXCITEDLY)

The other world! O please explain.

Please make your answer clear and plain.

The other world ! Oh, is it true,

All this I hear, dear sir, from you ?

CURIO (POMPOUSLY)

The other world, indeed, dear soul!

Just let me answer plain and whole;

Just let me, pace tua, say:

From Paris lies my brilliant way.

A cat amongst the Paris mice,

I come from casting Paris dice.

I left not many days ago.

BRIDGET (STARTLED)

Left Paradise! You don't say so!

I wondered why you dressed so strangely.

CURIO (SMILING, DECIDING TO PLAY ALONG)

I departed from that realm but lately-

Yes, studying knowledge quite divine.

BRIDGET (URGENTLY)

I must ask after a friend of mine.

Within the last twelve months or so,

My first dear husband died, you know,

And left me on this earth below

To carry on life's joy and woe.

The dear, old thing quite passed away.

Did you, while on your heavenly stay,

By chance meet up with him up there ?

He was pious and proper, honest and fair;

I couldn't doubt, he was so nice,

That he flew straight to Paradise.

CURIO (PLAYING ALONG WITH MOCK SERIOUSNESS)

How many are the honest men

One finds up high in heaven when

One takes that final journey there.

Then tell me something of your dear,

So I may pick him from the crew

Of many dear folk that I knew.

How did he look ? What did he wear

When you laid him in the brown earth's care?

BRIDGET

Oh, let me see ! Just let me think-

Yes, when we lowered him over the brink,

He had a blue hat on his head

And winding sheet, as for the dead.

CURIO (WISELY)

Oh, yes, I know him well, dear soul.

But listen, secrets I'll unfold

For you alone ; no other must

Be let into this secret trust.

I knew your husband well, for sure ;

Though names are changed at heaven's door.

He had that hat and winding sheet,

But not the best, I must admit,

But nothing else to tell the truth.

For mostly even the greenest youth

Takes gold and clothes with him on high.

But yours slipped by the needle's eye

Most easily, so I believe.

He has no boots, or coat's warm weave,

Or decent trousers, woollen shirt-

Just what he took to mother earth.

Yes, he can set his old, blue hat

At a jaunty angle, just like that,

(HE DEMONSTRATES)

As often as he likes, it's true ;

And pull his thin shroud round him too ;

For when the others feast inside

He stays without, dressed as he died,

Still covered with his tatty shroud.

For only neat guests are allowed

To take high feasts in paradise.

So there he stands, and scratches lice,

With dirty nails, from matted hair.

With longing looks, he lingers there,

Lives on a little charity-

A somewhat sorry sight is he.

Yes, all he has to use and show

Is that little with which he went below.

BRIDGET

Oh, husband dear, is it too late ?

Are you in such a sorry state ?

Oh, haven't you a penny even

To have a good, clean bath in heaven ?

No decent clothes to wear up there,

In that far kingdom of the air ?

The virtue of your past life here

Did not do you much good, I fear.

Oh dear, oh dear, what can I do ?

There must be ways of helping you.

(AN IDEA STRIKES HER)

Good sir, perhaps you'll live there twice ;

And go on back to paradise ?

CURIO

I start my journey with the sun,

Tomorrow's dawn, and hope to come,

If nothing keeps me on the ground,

To hearing of the harp's fair sound,

When thirteen days have run their race ;

Always allowing for good grace.

BRIDGET

Would you be kind enough to do

One little thing for me ; would you ?

And do one heavenly good deed

To ease my dear one's dire need ?

When you set off again from here,

Would you take something to my dear ?

My new man's not so very poor ;

We've many goods within our store.

CURIO (WITH A SMILE)

I could indeed, dear mistress, don't worry,

I'll take whatever I can carry.

But gather it with haste, please hurry,

I've little time to talk or tarry,

For I'm a little late already-

If I don't reach great heaven's door

When I'm expected, then I'm sure

St Peter will be severe with me.

BRIDGET

I only need a few minutes free.

I'll go and wrap a joyful bundle

To ease his upset and his trouble.

(SHE EXITS RIGHT)

CURIO

A good and pious, simple soul,

By ancient Aristotle's mole !

She's never journeyed from her village :

A victim of a quick mind's pillage,

Her weak thought's troops fall easily.

Just quite the right fool type for me;

Coins and clothes for the legatee-

Fortuna favet fortibus.

But fortune favours boldness thus

When caution also adds its seal.

And thus I think I'd better feel

The west wind under my heavenly heel

Before her present man gets back-

A simple point of law, in fact;

I know it's recommended there

It's best to be the happy heir

Unto some dead man's noble share.

BRIDGET (RE-ENTERING WITH A SACK)

Oh, good sir, you'll be a faithful, true,

Swift messenger for me, won't you ?

I've raided my luck's little hold,

Ten polished crowns, all pure gold,

I've hoarded like the care mice-

Now he can pay for paradise.

(GIVING THEM TO HIM)

I'd stashed them in the cowshed there;

(POINTS RIGHT)

Against some such sad day of care.

And take this sack I've filled as well.

I've done my best there, truth to tell.

In there there is a woollen shirt,

To keep him from the cold wind's hurt,

A pair of sturdy shoes, near new,

A pair of leather trousers too;

All there together so that he

May stroll in heaven decently,

And not be evermore cast out

To wander ragged all about.

And, in addition, you will note,

I've slipped in there a lovely coat,

Embroided with a fair design,

Not velvet, mind, but still quite fine.

It'll look, I hope, quite sweet and nice,

In that far land of paradise.

And here's his leather purse to hold

The heaven's coins he gets for gold.

And tell him, tell the poor, old dear,

Next time you come to visit here

His thoughtful, faithful, little wife

Will have saved more things for his life

In that dear land of paradise,

To keep him fed and free from lice.

Oh dear, oh dear sir, I tell you true,

(WITH A SMALL SOB)

He was the dearer of the two.

CURIO (RE-ASSURINGLY)

Now do not worry, lady dear:

I'm sure all this will bring him cheer.

Yes, this will lift his weary heart,

And give his spirit a new start.

For now, on heaven's holidays,

He can join in our merry ways

And take a sip of the wine of the sky

With angels and blessed souls on high.

BRIDGET

How long, good sir, will it then be

Before you call again on me;

Before you float from your high home

And bring me glad word of my own?

CURIO (hastily)

It'll be a little while till I come by.

It is a hard, hard road from high.

To drop from heaven's paradise

To earthly lowliness here, twice

Within a short time's space, is so

Hard for me to arrange, you know-

To find a gentle fall, you see,

Just won't be juggled easily.

To get an earthly intermission

You need St Peter's good permission

And lots of other things like that;

He often simply knocks you back.

BRIDGET

Oh dear, the money may be done

Before you get a chance to come.

Then he'd be left without a way

To buy an ale to cheer his day.

He'll have no gold to see him by

To toast to friendship in the sky.

And so he will end up, I'm sure,

Quite as an unhappy as before.

But never mind, but never mind,

I am quite certain I can find

A way to save a little more

To hide beneath the cowshed floor

When threshing's done; just as before.

There, take this silver for your fee

(SHE PAYS HIM)

And greet him lovingly from me.

Give him my best when you get there,

And may your trip be free from care.

CURIO

Celestial thanks to you, dear soul.

May the Lord on High keep you well and whole !

May each night wash your soul of sadness,

And may each day bring you more gladness.

But I must be upon my way.

I must be off, without delay,

To reach, within my thirteen days,

The gentle light of heaven's rays.

(CURIO BOWS, AND WITH SACK AND ALL, EXITS LEFT, HURRIEDLY)

BRIDGET (LOOKING AFTER HIM)

Well, may the Lord look after you,

And make sure that you travel true;

And may He speed you to the sky,

To carry my dear gifts on high !

(TO HERSELF)

Well, what a wonderful, strange thing !

Who would have thought last evening

That I would meet, just passing here,

A traveller from heaven's sphere !

(ENTER BRIDGET'S HUSBAND, TOM, FROM THE FIELDS, RIGHT)

TOM

Well, well, my Bridget, I must say

That you look happier today.

Now what on earth has pleased you so ?

Come, tell me, dear; I'd like to know.

So don't be shy, I won't resent it.

You look more blissful and contented

Than my brown cow that strayed away

And ate the cabbage yesterday.

BRIDGET

I've got a message from the sky.

Oh, Tom, I feel I'm floating high,

So full of joy, rejoicing so.

Can you imagine it ? You know,

It's such a wonderful, strange thing,

I hardly know where to begin.

TOM (SUSPICIOUSLY)

Who hit the mark this time, my dear ?

BRIDGET

How shall I tell what happened here ?

How tell the wonder story ? How ?

A scholar wandered by just now,

A scholar giving good advice,

Who came here straight from.......paradise !

Imagine that ! Just now, today,

From another world, he came my way.

Not only that, he knows my old,

Past husband's dear, departed soul,

(SHE POINTS)

Up in that distant land, you see.

And he explained to me that he,

I mean my other man, you know,

Goes poorer than the poorest go.

He hasn't even got a shirt

Or shoes or anything of worth-

He only owns there what we gave

When he was given to the grave.

He has got nothing there but that:

His winding sheet and his blue hat.

TOM (WITH GROWING SUSPICION)

And you, my dear, saw nothing wrong,

But sent some things to help along ?

BRIDGET

Oh yes, oh yes, indeed, oh yes!

How clever, dear, of you to guess.

I sent a nice, warm coat for him,

Some good, strong trousers, tough and trim;

A good, warm shirt for him to wear,

And good shoes for his feet up there;

Some golden coins to buy some beer,

Or was it wine ? I'm not quite clear-

I sent them all to my poor dear.

That clever scholar from the sky

Will take them to him, by and by,

When he returns to paradise.

TOM (THINKING FURIOUSLY)

H'mm....yes, that's good, that's very nice,

But tell me, which way did he fly

That blesséd scholar from the sky

Who took you in, I mean to say,

Into his confidence; which way

Did that thieving, I mean, believing soul,

That one, my dear, who went and stole-

Who took, that is, some of our savings,

My hard-earned gold from my hard slaving;

I mean, the gold and clothes, you know.....

Just tell me, which way did he go ?

BRIDGET (POINTING LEFT)

He went that way, in greatest haste,

He said he had no time to waste;

St Peter would be severe with him

And possibly not let him in

If he were late for paradise.

TOM ( GRIMLY)

No doubt it's hard to get in twice.

I hope his haste was not so great

That had time to quite escape-

I mean, I hope hasn't flown before

I give it to him-

(THUMPS HIS FIST IN HIS PALM)

er, give him more;

You see, you didn't give enough

To right display our dearest love.

Up there you cannot live in style

With that much gold for any while.

I'll take some further gold to him.

Go, quick, at once, fast as the wind,

Prepare a horse for me to ride.

(BRIDGET EXITS RIGHT)

TOM (TO HIMSELF)

And when I reach our scholar's side,

My fist will sanctify his hide,

And my thick boot will help him fly

A little faster towards the sky;

Thus he may get to heaven's door

More quickly than he bargained for.

(BRIDGET RE-ENTERS)

BRIDGET

Oh Tom, my dear, just by the way,

Do not take wrongly what I say,

I hope you're not upset at all

That I have had this heavenly call,

And that you don't misunderstand

My affection for my other man.

This kindness of yours I'll repay

When you've gone too some future day:

When your frame rests within the ground,

I'll send you presents, heaven-bound.

TOM (EXPLODING)

Enough ! Our golden friend may be

Soon out of reach for you and me !

Go, ready my horse and hurry now.

(BRIDGET EXITS)

TOM (ALONE)

Oh, what a wife, by all heavenly power !

There's not her like, both far and wide,

Throughout the whole, cursed countryside.

She's probably unique on earth !

As innocent as at her birth.

Enough to make a grown man grieve:

There's not a lie she'd not believe !

Search where you will, you will not find

Another of such a gullible kind.

She falls for any strolling swindler

With any wild, chance tale to spin her;

And now, by Peter's sainted beard,

She's tripped again, just as I feared !

A wandering scholar from paradise-

How could she fall for that device ?

And this professor from the sky,

Armed only with this crazy lie,

Has made off with my precious gold;

I've never known a thief so bold !

Well, I shall really make him grieve,

This swindling spinner of make-believe !

(ANGRILY)

Yes, I shall find this false divine,

And show him quite another sign !

I'll ride till I catch up with him,

And beat him on his holy skin;

Oh, he'll remember me, all right,

For many a sore and sorry night !

And I'll recover gold and all.

When I get home, then by St Paul,

I'll teach her to discern what's true,

I'll teach her to see clearly, you

Do not believe all madcap tales.

I'll make her see… until she wails

Admission of her crass stupidity !

For otherwise she'll ruin me.

Why did I wed her anyway ?

I curse the hour, I curse the day.

I would have been much happier

To catch the creeping plague than her.

(BRIDGET RE-ENTERS)

BRIDGET

The horse is ready now, my dear.

Be quick ! Be off, away from here !

Be our good bearer, briskly-bold,

To take to him some greater gold.

Fly like a storm, like a lightning-flash,

And carry him some further cash !

And all the best of luck to you;

And may the Lord be with you too !

TOM

Don't worry dear, I'll go right now;

And, guided by some heavenly power,

I'll find him with the fastest speed !

I'll help fulfil his greatest need;

I'll seek him out, I'll be unswerving,

I'll give to him what he's deserving !

And I shall speed him on his way

To paradise, without delay !

(TOM EXITS WITH BRIDGET BLOWING HIM A KISS)

(THE SCENE DARKENS. SOME RENAISSANCE (GUITAR?)

MUSIC)

SCENE TWO

WILD OPEN COUNTRYSIDE. A DIRT ROAD. (THIS CAN BE JUST A BARE STAGE WITH CURTAINS AS A BACKDROP).

OFFSTAGE THE SOUND OF CURIO SINGING. HE ENTERS ON THE RIGHT, CARRYING THE SACK.

CURIO (SINGING)

Oh, Curio in name and curious in mind,

I've left my foolish benefactor far behind.

Oh, Curio in name and curious in mind,

Through spinning foolish words I've really had a find.

CURIO PLANTS THE SACK ON THE GROUND, AND WIPES HIS BROW.

CURIO

By all the saints in highest heaven,

Today I'm more than breaking even!

For what a windfall I have here;

As long as I am in the clear!

Improper pedlar of piety

To wondrous gullibility,

I slip from poverty's rough curse

By finding of a heavenly purse!

Yes, this will likely last me through

The whole, cold windy winter too.

Fair fortune graces those who seize

The moment's opportunities.

Though I'll admit this type of break

Is mostly not such an easy take-

For folk of such naivety

Are all too rare, if you ask me.

She is a trusting soul, but she

Should study up theology.

Not many fools, without suspicion,

Would pay celestial commission.

But now which way am I to go?

Oh, let me see, I think I know.

HE LOOKS ALL AROUND AND SEES SOMETHING OFFSTAGE RIGHT

But what is this? What's this I see?

Far off, but coming up towards me?

A cloud of dust and at its head

A storming steed- just what I dread!

It tears along the road like rage

Rampaging toward revenge- a page

Of life's vast volume, let it be said,

That I would rather leave unread.

For if it's not her husband- well-

Then it's a black fiend, if you will,

For I have heard they often try

To stop a man from rising high

And reaching paradise at last.

Now goodly sack, lie there. Stay fast.

HE PLACES IT BEHIND A ROCK ( OR TUCKS IT BEHIND A

CURTAIN)

Yes, stay good gold. Stay safely stowed!

He won't know me by my rich load.

He doesn't know me! There's my luck!

This swampy ground will slow him up.

Oh, yes, he's bogged. He must dismount.

Now change my character- I'll count

On cloak of false stupidity,

Pretence of reason's apathy...

My nature and my role reversed!

I'll seem, to angry eyes, quite cursed

By failing brains. Yes- that's the way.

A poor and silly fool today!

CURIO TAKES OFF HIS JACKET, TURNS IT INSIDE OUT AND PUTS IT ON BACK TO FRONT. HE CRUMBLES HIS HAT AND PUTS IN ON BACKWARDS.

Well, now that I am rightly dressed,

I'll see how I can answer best!

CURIO STANDS STARING AROUND STUPIDLY

ENTER TOM FROM THE RIGHT, LOOKING OUT TOWARDS THE LEFT

TOM

Good day.

CURIO

Luck.

TOM

Good luck then. Have you, my good sir,

Observed a thieving, rotten cur

Go past here with a heavy sack,

A load of guilt upon his back?

CURIO

Guilt?

TOM

Look, look now: carrying a sack.

TOM MIMES IT

CURIO (VAGUELY AND SLOWLY AS IN A DREAM)

Just soon, soon now, sack on back,

Yes, mister, think that way he went,

Yes, sack on back, yes, goes all bent,

Yes, puff, puff, heavy, off he rushes,

Yes, over there, in bushes... bushes.

CURIO POINTS LEFT

TOM

By hell, he's going o catch it now;

His jaw will feel my bare fist's power!

HE WACKS HIS FIST ON HIS HAND

Good fellow, please look to my horse;

For through the swamps and bushes here, my course

Must be on foot. When I lay hand

On that sly character I'll land

A gift on him to make him speed

Right back to paradise indeed!

And friend, just let me promise you,

He'll be too sore for confession too.

CURIO

Have, have to, have to wait, to wait,

Not short time, wait long, wait till late,

For holy man, he give advice

To road up high, for paradise.

So keep horse, horse keep, yes, no worry,

Keep horse, yes, you go, need no hurry.

TOM

Here is a penny for your trouble,

And I'll be back here on the double.

TOM EXITS IN GREAT HASTE

CURIO (WATCHING HIM GO)

Most... glad... to... earn

SUDDENLY CHANGING AS TOM OUT OF HEARING

a horse from you!

Fair fortune smiles on me, it's true!

She comes to ease my weary limbs;

I'm but a servant to her whims.

POINTING HIS THUMB TO THE RIGHT, THEN TO THE LEFT

For one gives gold for heaven's poor,

And one grants rides to heaven's door.

I'm very grateful anyway;

Such helpful people, I must say.

It's not so often that you find

Kind couples, or couples of a kind!

HE TAPS HIS HEAD

I wonder how he's going there?

The ground is soft, he'd best beware.

LOOKING LEFT

He'll slip if he's not careful. Oh, dear,

He's sinking in the bog, I fear.

He's floundering, can't turn about.

His heavy boots won't ley him out!

Now he who doesn't want to pay

Must be away without delay!

If my good friend were to come back

He'd beat me red and blue and black

And steal away my precious sack.

HE PULLS OUT THE SACK

Upon my pegasus I'll fly

Until I reach that inn that I

Passed by with empty purse before-

For when I passed its welcome door

A hanging wooden sign I read;

The "Paradise" was what it said.

And so to "Paradise" I'll rise,

Where fat fowls roast by the fireside;

And there I'll leave my sponsor so:

POINTING LEFT

To wade back through the bog below.

Before he pays back my advice,

I must fly straight to "Paradise"!

CURIO (SINGING TO HIS ORIGINAL TUNE AS HE EXITS RIGHT WITH SACK)

To paradise I fly, to paradise on high,

Indeed, a scholar from the other world am I!

To paradise on high, to paradise I fly,

With heaven's gifts of goods, and gold to see me by!

AS HIS VOICE FADES, THE SCENE DARKENS.

SOME RENAISSANCE GUITAR MUSIC

SCENE THREE

AS SCENE ONE, BEFORE BRIDGET'S HOUSE. TOWARDS

SUNSET.

BRIDGET

Oh what an age my husband's been

Since he rode off, so swift and keen,

Upon his golden mercy mission

To ease my dead love's poor condition!

I fear he may have lost the track

Down in the swamps and marshy flat.

Then my first dear will be without

The extra gold he needs, no doubt-

For after all, up in the sky,

The prices must be very high.

SHE GAZES OUT

And now the sun is sinking down

And darkness falls like night's soft gown;

And mist is spreading on the sky-

The busy light is nearly by.

Soon all things will be black in night;

There is no moon to guide the sight,

To help a wanderer get by,

Just faintest starlight from the sky.

WITH A SIGH

Oh well, it's time I went within

To get some supper made for him.

SHE EXITS RIGHT

TOM ENTERS LEFT, WEARY AND DIRTY

TOM

Oh, hell's fire and damnation deep!

Enough to make a grown man weep!

Just as I thought my horse did not

Set off upon a homeward trot;

For as I should have grasped at once

My thief was that apparent dunce,

So cunning-cloaked with false pretence

Of simple mind and lack of sense.

And that conniving, low-bred dog

Fled while I floundered in the bog

And rode away on my good horse;

I'll never catch him now, of course.

WITH A DEEP SIGH

Well, all this serves me right, I know.

This farce should teach me to forgo

Quick anger's heedless brutal bent,

And its fool-making, bad intent.

Oh, what an idiot am I!

HE BEATS HIS HEAD WITH HIS HAND

For as creation has rolled by

Through all of time; has it ever seen

So great a fool as I have been?

And so the wheel of fortune spins.

For I intended to blame the whim

Of my good wife, but now I see

A greater fool inside of me!

Good-hearted in her plain belief,

She showed an innocent faith, at least-

She feels a warming glow to know

Her past man is provided so.

Oh! how can I explain my state:

So scruffy, horseless, and so late!

BRIDGET RE-ENTERS

BRIDGET

Oh good, oh good, at last you're here;

But where is your good horse, my dear?

And did you find the sacred soul

And give to him the extra gold?

TOM (STUMBLINGLY)

Well...he was very tired, you know.

It's such a long, long way to go

To paradise, he said. And he...

Had got stuck in the bog- you see!

And so I had to help him out.

But...there was so much mud about

I got quite dirty doing it.

Then I'd a thought. "Just wait a bit,

Good sir," I said, "you're very tired,

So take this goodly horse and ride

Upon its back to paradise.

You'll save much time- that's my advice!"

He took my gifts at once, of course!

And so I gave him gold and horse

To give to your past husband too-

As further gifts from my and you.

Now he can ride to paradise,

And he will find that very nice

For it is very big up there,

In that far kingdom of the air.

Now wasn't that a fine idea?

BRIDGET

Oh yes, oh yes, my darling dear.

I never guessed you were so kind.

Indeed then, if you were to find

Yourself before God's throne tonight,

You'd do well before His holy might.

I'd send whatever you wanted to wear,

And keep back nothing in my care:

Gold, cow, or goose... or even horse.

TOM

Er... my dear wife, my sweet, of course...

You won't say anything of this

To others; take it not amiss,

It's just that such a sacred matter

Is best kept clear of idle chatter.

BRIDGET

But all the parish knows of it

And all agree it was most fit.

TOM (STARTLED)

Who told them all so suddenly?

BRIDGET

When you rode off so hurriedly,

With such a noble, fair intent,

I felt most proud of you and went

And told the neighbours of your aim;

And they told others of the same.

Then many came to call on me

And took the tale most merrily.

I told of our friend from paradise,

And how we took his good advice,

And they were pleased and laughed a lot.

TOM (TO HIMSELF, WITH RESIGNATION)

The cat is out, like it or not.

I'll be reminded of my part

For many years, no doubt.

(TO BRIDGET)

Dear heart,

Go in and make some supper ready.

BRIDGET

I've started cooking it already.

BRIDGET EXITS

TOM (AFTER HER)

I'm coming.

( TO HIMSELF)

For how can I complain

When rash, swift anger turned my brain

And made me more a fool, it seems,

Than she was made by madcap dreams.

WITH A SHRUG

And so I've paid the price for this:

To find my own true foolishness;

To know that anger is a sort

Of thief that robs you of clear thought.

TO THE AUDIENCE

Belief that's blind and ranting rage

Can stupefy the wisest sage-

So evermore, in calm or stress,

I must, indeed, remember this.

HE EXITS

THE END

THE KING WHO BELIEVED EVERYTHING

Now once there was a foolish king

Who would believe most anything.

He searched for any who could weave

A tale that he would not believe.

With castle, gold, and lands, for lure,

So many tried to find a cure,

So many liars tried and lost

And in deep dungeon paid the cost.

A farmlad came with his attempt,

"One day I sowed a field of hemp:

Before I'd finished, my first seed

Had sprung up higher than all the trees."

"Soon it was higher than any tower.

I left it for a few days now,

Until it rose right out of view."

"Yes," said the king, "that sounds quite true."

"And so I thought that I might try

To climb up through the sunny sky

Until I came to heaven's sphere;

The climb took me a weary year."

"In heaven angels flew most fair,

Through perfumed, light-filled, singing air;

And beauty shone from everything."

"Yes, I believe you," said the king.

"I saw my mother and father both

A-riding in a silver coach;

In golden robes they took their ease."

"Yes," said the king, "that I'll believe."

"Then I went onward, wondering,

And then I saw your parents, king,

All dressed in rags, with filth and slime,

And caring for a herd of swine."

"You lie," the king roared out this time,

"My parents can't be handling swine!

Deceiving rogue, I'll have your head!"

"I'll have your prize," the farmlad said. 

 

THE NAME OF THE CAT

There was a king who had a cat.

A beautiful, white cat it was.

He wished to name the cat because

All things have names and that is that.

He thought for all that he was worth,

What is the greatest thing I know?

This cat can so be named to show

I've found the greatest cat on earth.

One day he chanced to lift his eyes

And saw the blue, blue heavens there.

"How vast they are: what can compare?

I'll call this special creature__'Skies'!"

His chief advisor, old and wise,

Heard why the cat was now named "Skies",

"Your Majesty, may I advise:

The cloud can cover all the skies."

And so the cat became the "Cloud;"

And all went on without a hitch,

Until the queen heard of the switch,

And laughed a little, right out loud.

"My dearest husband, it's quite plain:

The wind can chase the cloud away.

The wind is stronger, any day!"

The "Wind" was now the cat's right name.

And "Wind" it stayed for a day or two,

Until a friend said, with a laugh,

"A wall can stop the wind's rough path,

So call it 'Wall', that's what I'd do."

But "Wall" was not its name for long,

An old schoolmaster croaked, "In all,

A mouse can gnaw right through a wall,

And so a wall's not all that strong."

There was a hush in the royal house.

"Oh dear," the king said, with a sigh,

"I thought the greatest thing was sky;

But now it seems it is the 'Mouse'."

"Why do you call our dear cat 'Mouse'?"

The king's small son piped up at once,

"Oh, father, you are such a dunce:

The cat hunts mice inside the house!"

The king blushed red when this was said.

But then he laughed and laughed out loud,

" I am a fool! I am too proud!

I should have stayed with 'Cat' instead!"

"I should have called my cat, a cat.

I've been a fool for fussing so!

For what is greatest, what is low?

All things have names, and that is that."